Not everyone has a formal wedding and not everyone has formal wedding speeches. Some couples want a more casual approach and invite only close friends or peers to their wedding. Their speeches may be more light-hearted than say a speech by the father of the bride. Nonetheless a good friend will want the couple to have an enjoyable day and they will know them well enough to be able to speak from the heart. Being of the same age group they will usually have shared experiences to recall and might jokingly speak of a vacation spent together or of shared events on a college campus. Nonetheless the peer of the bride or the peer of the groom should, whatever incidents he or she may recall, still express that age old sentiments of wishing the couple every happiness. After all that’s what friends do.

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A wedding speech should express the same sentiments whether it’s a formal function being held in the Ritz or a family affair in the bride or the groom’s home. At a more formal function the father of the bride, the father of the groom and the best man usually speak. At a more informal wedding, however, a brother of the bride or her bridesmaid may speak or even a friend of the family. The speeches should emphasise the good wishes of those present for the happy couple and express the belief that they are ideally suited to one another. The speaker should mention an incident about the bride or groom which would personalise the speech. Above all the speech should be light-hearted and sincere. A wedding, whatever its size, is a happy occasion and the wedding speech or toast should emphasise that.

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The father of the groom’s speech is , like the icing on a cake, an optional extra. Tradition has it that he is simply the guest of honour at the wedding of his son. Nonetheless most fathers of the groom like to convey their best wishes to their sons on such an important day. If they choose to speak they like to convey their thanks to the hosts and to welcome their new daughter in law into the family. Some story of a childhood incident or a foible of the groom’s will add to the speech. Unlike the father of the bride it is not his place to toast the happy couple. Instead he should finalise his speech by wishing the couple well with a wedding blessing or perhaps an old Irish toast. Like most extras the father of the groom’s speech will, properly prepared, add that little something to make the wedding day even more special.

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Mother of the bride speeches are becoming increasingly popular and why not? After all nobody knows the bride as well as the woman who has born and reared her. It is fitting that on such an important day that the mother should express her feelings for her daughter. She may even tease her a little as she remembers those teenage years. It gives her the opportunity too to welcome her new son-in-law and his family into the bride’s family fold. Sometimes the mother of the bride speaks because she is widowed and in such a case she may choose to speak lovingly of her dead spouse and his relationship with his daughter. If she is separated from the father of the bride she may choose not to mention him. However, if he is present at the wedding it is wise to be gracious and mention his good points. He may not have been a great father but she could say that her daughter has undoubtedly inherited his generous nature. Such graciousness will add to the occasion and make the day happier for her daughter who may be apprehensive about her parents being together at her wedding.

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Speeches or toasts for a second or subsequent wedding have to be slightly different to the one given at a first time wedding. Tact and diplomacy are the order of the day. There should be no reference made to the previous spouse and children of a previous wedding should only be mentioned with their approval and that of the couple. Of course you still wish the bride and groom every happiness but you must be careful not to mention any incident or story that would bring back memories of another spouse.

If you are speaking at your own 2nd or subsequent wedding the same rules apply. Such a wedding is often a smaller, more intimate affair so your speech may be less formal although it is always gracious to thank those who have helped organise the wedding. Overall, though, the speech on such an occasion should be brief but heartfelt . If you can add a bit of humour so much the better. There’s nothing like it to make the speech, and the day, go with a swing.

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Weddings are usually traditional affairs and so are the speeches. Nonetheless, sometimes there is a need for a different kind of speech because someone is playing a different role. The best man, for instance, instead of being a brother or friend might be the father of the groom or even the son of the groom. Alternatively, the role of best man might become best buddy because the groom has chosen to be supported on his big day by a woman. Obviously then while the traditional best wishes will be expressed the speeches will also reflect the relationship between the best man/buddy and the groom.

If the father is speaking he will speak from his experience of life and his knowledge of his son’s growing years. If a woman is speaking she will speak of her happy friendship with the groom but from a woman’s viewpoint. If a son is speaking at his father’s wedding he will probably see the groom as someone who has reared and inspired him during his youth. So whatever the difference it has to be reflected in the speeches. So play your part and ensure that the speech you give expresses the real you, whatever your role…

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