In-laws are often the ideal people to give funeral eulogies. They have enough family connections to know a lot about the diseased but are usually not so close as to be too upset to speak in public. So such a speaker can speak lovingly about his or her mother or father-in-law. Alternatively, he or she can speak warmly of a beloved sister or brother-in-law. They will undoubtedly be involved in the family’s grief and will know just how much the diseased meant to the immediate family. On the other hand they can add their own perspective to the eulogy and give comfort by expressing how much that person meant to them as an in-law. So such a eulogy tends to give a more rounded picture of the person being mourned. At a time of great distress the offer of an in-law to give such a eulogy will often be accepted gratefully so don’t hesitate to say that you would feel it a privilege to pay tribute to someone who meant something special in your life too.

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It’s difficult when you are asked to give a eulogy for a colleague. You feel as though there are others, particularly family members, who could do a better job. Yet often people spend hours more with their working colleagues than they do with their families. Certainly you can speak from a completely different perspective having worked with the diseased. That does not mean that you should not do your homework while preparing the eulogy. You should know the main relevant facts about his or her life, such as number of children he or she had and the names of his or her family. Family members will be happy to tell you what the deceased meant to them. Other than that though you should speak of his or her abilities and talents in a working situation. You should pay tribute to the input the deceased had made during the working day. You might speak of how he or she always helped newcomers settle in or shared his or her expertise with colleagues. You might mention something personal such as the cream bun he or she always had at coffee break. Perhaps he or she ran the social committee? Whatever you say speak of how much your colleague was admired and respected in the work situation. That will certainly bring some comfort to those who are grieving.

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Deaths around Christmas time always seem to be the saddest ones of all. It is probably something to do with the fact that we expect Christmas time to be a time of good cheer. Certainly we will always have a yearly reminder of the person who has died. Yet whatever time of the year there is a death in the family it is a time for a loving eulogy. If your brother dies for instance it is right and fitting that you should remember him and what he meant to you. It is appropriate that you should tell a congregation why you will miss him and tell them of the good times you shared with him. We all feel better when we do something we ought to do and certainly giving your brother a good send off is one of those things. So talk about his foibles and his talents. Speak about his personality and reminisce about incidents in the past. Say your last goodbye with love and affection and even a smile through the tears. That’s how it should be.

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Whatever about the last hoorah the last goodbye is poignant and moving. At least that’s what a good eulogy should make it. A eulogy for a mother is a case in point. Whether she has died after a long illness or just suddenly she deserves your final tribute. She deserves that those present at her funeral will realise what a wonderful person she was and how much you will miss her. It all depends, of course, on what you say as you sum up her life and her achievements. Try to mention things most people didn’t know about her. Everyone present may know about her kindness or hospitality but not everyone will know that she was an avid James Bond fan for instance. Speak of how much she loved doing crosswords or jigsaws. Make her human; tell how she always squeezed oranges and lemons to make a hot drink for you when you were ill. Talk of how she used her skills to help others, by making a dress for a debutante’s ball for instance. She was your mother so speak of how she guided you during your growing years. Talk about her sense of humour because all the nicest people have one. Above all speak of her interest in those she loved. Tell everyone how much you loved her too.

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A grandfather has all the attributes of a father twice over. That’s why it is so important to give a fitting eulogy when he dies. He has, you see, meant so much not just to one generation but to two. It’s not easy to give such a eulogy when you are grieving but it is well worthwhile and really it is all about preparation. Ask family members what he meant to them and add it to what he meant to you. You don’t have to give his life history just a potted version of it. What you are really doing is paying tribute to someone who enhanced a lot in the lives in the family. After all without him you wouldn’t be there! So talk about his virtues and mention his small weaknesses in a kindly way. Obviously if he had a big problem such as being an alcoholic or a gambler you should avoid speaking of such failings because others might be hurt. The maxim always speak well of the dead applies in such a case. Speak instead of his great way with children or his ability to write beautiful verse. Mention his involvement in clubs or societies. Be positive and leave the memory of your grandfather a happy one.

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You are unlikely to write a eulogy for your father in advance of his death. That is unless you are expecting him to die very soon. Yet you can pay no greater tribute to someone who was important in your life than to give a fitting eulogy. By doing so you are saying he was a special person who meant specific things to you. Obviously in such a eulogy you will say what he did that made him so special to you. You might mention fifteen years of support at your football matches. You might talk about his encouragement through your year of school and college. You might reminisce about holidays spent together and the fun you had. You could talk about his sense of humour, his kindness or his personality. You could talk about his D.I.Y. Skills or lack of them. You eulogy might make people laugh and cry but, above all, it should make them remember your dad and what a wonderful person he was.

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It’s your last chance to say, publicly, what she meant in your life. That’s why it is so important to give a eulogy for your mother. It can, of course, be difficult. After all at a time of loss you don’t feel like writing a eulogy. Yet it is at this very time that all the memories are so close. Family members will be discussing her and reminding you of things she did and said. That will, in turn, awaken your own thoughts and memories. You will probably find that you have far too many things to say in a eulogy lasting only a few minutes. Yet you can pick out the important ones and speak about her kindness, her caring or her other attributes. You can mention how she telephoned every day to check up on your welfare or how she always welcomed your friends into her home. You can speak about her sense of humour or her foibles such as having forty pairs of shoes. For just those last few minutes you can make her come alive to the congregation and pay her the tribute she deserved. After all, to you, she was indeed the best mother in the world.

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It’s unlikely that anyone will give a heartfelt eulogy for Bin Laden. Most of us though aren’t dictators. Most of don’t order others to be tortured and killed. In fact when most people die they deserve a eulogy. They deserve that they should be publicly remembered. They deserve that a family member or friend stands up and speaks about their virtues. That is not to say that the speaker should make out the deceased to be angelic. You can speak about his or her foibles such as finding it impossible to be on time for anything. That is as long as you balance those foibles out by talking about the good things the deceased has done or how important he or she was to those left to mourn. In fact your eulogy should be like a good C.V. pointing out the strengths of the deceased. If you speak poignantly and sincerely about the deceased you will certainly give comfort to those mourners as well as leaving a mental picture of someone who was very important in their lives and in yours. Most of us though aren’t dictators. Most of don’t order others to be tortured and killed. In fact when most people die they deserve a eulogy. They deserve that they should be publicly remembered. They deserve that a family member or friend stands up and speaks about their virtues. That is not to say that the speaker should make out the deceased to be angelic. You can speak about his or her foibles such as finding it impossible to be on time for anything. That is as long as you balance those foibles out by talking about the good things the deceased has done or how important he or she was to those left to mourn. In fact your eulogy should be like a good C.V. pointing out the strengths of the deceased. If you speak poignantly and sincerely about the deceased you will certainly give comfort to those mourners as well as leaving a mental picture of someone who was very important in their lives and in yours.

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The computer world is mourning the loss of Steve Jobs. He was, after all, unique, a real visionary. There will undoubtedly be many eulogies given about him. People will speak of his creativity and the jobs he provided worldwide. Yet every single person is unique too and each one deserves a eulogy about what he or she has done in his or her own sphere. A woman might have created a warm and loving home. A man may have worked hard and provided jobs too although maybe not on the scale of Steve Jobs. The deceased may have been an aunt, an uncle or a brother-in-law. Whoever or whatever he or she was they too deserve to be remembered. Each one of us has a part to play in life and most of us do our best, sometimes against the odds. Sometimes though we neglect to say publicly just what that person has achieved or what he or she meant in his or her own world. A eulogy is a fitting tribute, the last goodbye as it were. Make sure your own unique someone’s life is celebrated for its own achievements. Give that eulogy it’s only right.

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When a friend dies that friendship should be commemorated. Giving a eulogy for your friend does just that. It commemorates what he meant to you and the relationship you had with him. It says how important friendship is in our lives. It brings him to life for the mourners present when you tell of incidents shared and experiences you had with him. By giving such a eulogy you are emphasising what he meant in your life and in the life of others. You emphasise his good points only because you never speak ill of the dead. That is not to say, though, that you cannot speak of his foibles or the things that made him human. Laughter is not wrong when it is kindly laughter and at a time of mourning it is an escape valve for all those sad feelings. So give a eulogy. You’ll be glad you did.

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