Most of us don’t write books or plays or even poetry. Yet lots of us are asked to speak at a wedding and that means, whatever our ability, that we must write a speech. It is important, therefore, to know what to say and how to say it. After all nobody will read a book at the wedding. It’s unlikely that anyone will stage a play. Someone may, admittedly, quote some poetry but it is usually a well known piece and not particularly relevant to the couple. At most weddings the speeches are the entertainment of the day and that is the challenge for the person who has been asked to speak.
Probably the most important thing to do is to do your homework. If you are the father of the bride you may feel you know your daughter well enough to speak about her. Jot down your thoughts and then consult your wife or other family members. You may find that you didn’t know your daughter as well as you thought. You did. If you are the best man exactly how much do you know about the bride and her parents? You will, naturally, wish to refer to them in your speech. If you are the groom you may speak glowingly about your lovely new wife but how much do you know about the bridesmaids?  You would, of course, want your toast to them to be memorable wouldn’t you?
Your speech doesn’t have to be long but it does have to be sincere and if it is professionally written it will definitely add to the day. So you should practise what you have to say until you know it by heart because, after all, on such an important day you should be speaking from the heart!

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Best men aren’t all the same. The speeches they give on the wedding day should reflect this fact. Generally speaking the best man will be the brother or friend of the groom. However there are many others who may have to give that all important speech and who may be approaching the subject from a different angle. There is the best man who is the colleague of the groom. His speech will be different to that of a brother or friend who has known the groom for years. He will speak of the groom from the perspective of someone who knows him in his working life. The best man speeches where the groom is a lawyer may have legal terms in them. Nowadays too because of re-marriages the duties may be carried out by a best man who is the son of the groom.  Obviously he should be able to tell a few stories about the groom in his capacity as a parent.
Today too many grooms will choose a female best buddy instead of the equivalent male best man. As every man knows women see things differently and certainly her speech will reflect a different aspect of the groom than one given by a man. Military weddings can have a touch of pomp and ceremony and best man’s speeches for an army wedding will again be slightly different the best man will be speaking about a groom who is imbued with the spirit of loyalty and service to his country. There are thousands of weddings every year and lots of reasons why the speeches should be different. Make sure yours reflects your exact connection with the groom.

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Bring a buddy when you are rehearsing your speech. That’s one sure way of finding out just how good the speech is and how well you deliver it.
Obviously you will need to bring someone who will be absolutely honest and helpful. There is no good having a critic who isn’t critical. There is no point whatsoever in having someone who wouldn’t like to offend you in any way. Instead you want to bring someone who cares enough about you to tell you where you made mistakes and how good your speech actually is. Your buddy should be someone who really wants you to wow your audience.
Your critic should, of course, be able to help you by pointing out your errors. So if you are talking to a group of engineers and he doesn’t know the first thing about engineering he’s unlikely to prove helpful. However if you are speaking as father of the groom a friend who knows the family well may be of immense help to you in getting it right. So select someone who can really be of help.
He might point out that your speech is far too long or that you keep tripping up over a certain word. Then you could use a simpler alternative. He may suggest that you have forgotten to thank somebody important. He may suggest a different way of wording a sentence. Your buddy must have the time and the inclination to help you rehears over and over until you get it just right.
You’ll know you’ve got it right when he gives you the thumbs up when you are finished your speech.

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Sometimes when you are giving a speech you are giving it for posterity. If it is your son’s Bar Mitzvah day or you are the father of the bride the words you say should be words that will be remembered through the years. Your son or your daughter should treasure those words and when it is time for their daughter’s wedding or their son’s Bar Mitzvah they should tell their children what their fathers said to them on their special day.
What you say can be funny or tender but it should relate specifically to your child. You may want to give your son advice on how to behave as an adult or to tell your daughter how to make her marriage work. Sometimes your speech may contain a story or tell of an incident in your own life. Maybe you can speak of someone or something that made a big impression on you and say why. You may pass on a verse or saying told to you by your own parents, something that will make them think.
Whatever you say though should influence your son or your daughter in the coming years. They may not always remember the words in their busy day to day lives. Hopefully, though, when they have to make a decision that will affect their lives they will think of what you said and act on your good advice.
So your speech should be about more than pleasantries. It should have a message that touches the heart and that will be remembered perhaps from generation to generation.

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Why are you giving your speech? That’s the first question every public speaker should ask. It may be because it is you are the father of the groom and you want to tell your son how much you love and admire him. It could be because you abominate abortion and want the audience to see it as sinful too. You might just want to share your enjoyment of the Beatles by talking about them.
So the kind of speech you will give will depend greatly on its purpose. You may want to motivate people to donate blood or to walk to work. You could be suggesting ways that they could live life to the full. You could be talking at a church conference, a political gathering or a family party. So ask yourself why you are speaking and what you want to say. Obviously a lot will depend on your audience. If it is the golden wedding anniversary of your parents you r speech can include stories of family life. If you are a politician your speech should convey the beliefs of your party. If it is a church conference your speech might address moral issues. You cannot write an appropriate speech unless you first answer that important question “Why am I giving this speech”.

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In some countries both parents escort their daughter up the aisle to her wedding. After all they have both reared her. It should be equally acceptable then for the mother of the bride to give a wedding speech. The father of the bride is, of course, the one who usually toasts the happy couple but whether or not the father is speaking there is no reason why the bride’s mother should not speak too.
Sometimes, of course, she may be the widowed mother of the bride. If so when she is speaking she will usually be saying what her husband would have said on the occasion. Mother of the bride speeches should express what the daughter in question means to her mother. They should tell a little about her growing years and her lifestyle. They obviously include a welcome to the new groom and his family into the bride’s clan and include a suitable welcome to the guests. Depending or not on whether there is anyone else doing so they should end with a toast to the couple. If, however, the bride’s father or a relative is giving the toast she might end her speech with a blessing instead.
Weddings are emotional occasions and probably more so for the mother of the bride than anyone else. She won’t want to break down when giving her speech so it is better to make it short and somewhat light-hearted in tone. If she is a widow she may want to mention the bride’s father and how he would have been so proud of his beautiful daughter. This sentence should be short and sincere. One thing is certain, women being what they are, will have more background information on their daughters for the speech than any mere male.

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The father of the bride often agonises about the speech he is to give at his daughter’s wedding. Even those who make their living at public speaking such as actors often find the though of standing up at the wedding reception a frightening prospect. That’s understandable. They don’t want to let down their daughters before their in-laws. They may be comfortable with what they have to say at work but less sure of what they should be saying on the big day.  Add to that the fact that many such fathers have never spoken in public before and the number of frightened fathers of the bride increases hugely. The answer to their problem is, of course, to have written a good speech and to have practised it until they are comfortable with it. If they are not confident about writing their own speeches they should leave it to the experts. If they wants to write it themselves they should welcome guests, speak of their daughter’s growing  years, mention how happy they are to have  new extended families and end with a toast the happy couple They might also include a mention of their wives and give some matrimonial advice. The real secret is, of course, to personalise the speech as much as possible. Whatever they say a wedding speech should be loving and leave the bride with memories to cherish and proud of her dad.

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A Christmas wedding is very special and the speeches should be special too. All wedding speeches, of course, should say what ought to be said on the occasion. The father of the bride, for instance, welcomes guests and ends his speech with a toast to the couple. The Father of the groom will also express a welcome but this time to his new daughter-in-law. Either or both fathers will speak of their offspring’s growing years and perhaps offer a bit of matrimonial advice. The groom himself will speak of how beautiful his bride is and end his speech with a toast to the bridesmaids. His best man will reply to that toast and will usually have a few stories to tell about the groom’s behaviour over the years. Christmas wedding speeches should say all that is necessary but should also be relevant to the festive season. So if you are using a poem or a toast make sure it is a Christmas one. If you are referring to the words of a song choose a Christmas one. Couples who choose to get married at Christmas do so because they feel there is something magical about that time of year. So add your own magic with words that conveys your wedding wishes in a seasonal speech.

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Father of the bride speeches and father of the groom speeches have much in common. They are both celebrating an important occasion in their individual family’s life. Whether or not they approve of their son or daughter’s choice of spouse they will usually have accepted it by the time the wedding day comes along. In most cases, of course, they are genuinely delighted that their son or their daughter has found someone to love. Their speeches will reflect this as they welcome the newcomer into their families and speak of the love they themselves have for their own child. Above all, though, their speeches reflect the fact that a wedding day is a day of celebration and joy.

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What do you say at the wedding if you are the step-father of the bride? Obviously a lot depends on the circumstances. If you have reared the bride since she was a baby you will have as many memories to recollect as her father. Indeed you may feel you are her father. However if you married her mother later in the bride’s life your approach may have to be different. Weddings are emotional affairs and feelings are easily hurt. If her father is present you will have to be especially careful of what you say. It is better to concentrate on the bride rather than on her family background. You should speak of her marvellous qualities. You should say that you share the happiness of all present that she has found such a wonderful husband. You should talk about how much she means to you and illustrate it without detracting from how much she also means to her father. So you might speak of her wonderful personality and how much she means to the people who know her and love her. Never ever say anything that detracts from her father even if he walked out on her when she was a baby. The speech given by the step-father of the bride should, in fact, be gracious and very, very tactful.

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