The father of the groom’s speech is , like the icing on a cake, an optional extra. Tradition has it that he is simply the guest of honour at the wedding of his son. Nonetheless most fathers of the groom like to convey their best wishes to their sons on such an important day. If they choose to speak they like to convey their thanks to the hosts and to welcome their new daughter in law into the family. Some story of a childhood incident or a foible of the groom’s will add to the speech. Unlike the father of the bride it is not his place to toast the happy couple. Instead he should finalise his speech by wishing the couple well with a wedding blessing or perhaps an old Irish toast. Like most extras the father of the groom’s speech will, properly prepared, add that little something to make the wedding day even more special.

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Mother of the bride speeches are becoming increasingly popular and why not? After all nobody knows the bride as well as the woman who has born and reared her. It is fitting that on such an important day that the mother should express her feelings for her daughter. She may even tease her a little as she remembers those teenage years. It gives her the opportunity too to welcome her new son-in-law and his family into the bride’s family fold. Sometimes the mother of the bride speaks because she is widowed and in such a case she may choose to speak lovingly of her dead spouse and his relationship with his daughter. If she is separated from the father of the bride she may choose not to mention him. However, if he is present at the wedding it is wise to be gracious and mention his good points. He may not have been a great father but she could say that her daughter has undoubtedly inherited his generous nature. Such graciousness will add to the occasion and make the day happier for her daughter who may be apprehensive about her parents being together at her wedding.

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Speeches or toasts for a second or subsequent wedding have to be slightly different to the one given at a first time wedding. Tact and diplomacy are the order of the day. There should be no reference made to the previous spouse and children of a previous wedding should only be mentioned with their approval and that of the couple. Of course you still wish the bride and groom every happiness but you must be careful not to mention any incident or story that would bring back memories of another spouse.

If you are speaking at your own 2nd or subsequent wedding the same rules apply. Such a wedding is often a smaller, more intimate affair so your speech may be less formal although it is always gracious to thank those who have helped organise the wedding. Overall, though, the speech on such an occasion should be brief but heartfelt . If you can add a bit of humour so much the better. There’s nothing like it to make the speech, and the day, go with a swing.

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Weddings are usually traditional affairs and so are the speeches. Nonetheless, sometimes there is a need for a different kind of speech because someone is playing a different role. The best man, for instance, instead of being a brother or friend might be the father of the groom or even the son of the groom. Alternatively, the role of best man might become best buddy because the groom has chosen to be supported on his big day by a woman. Obviously then while the traditional best wishes will be expressed the speeches will also reflect the relationship between the best man/buddy and the groom.

If the father is speaking he will speak from his experience of life and his knowledge of his son’s growing years. If a woman is speaking she will speak of her happy friendship with the groom but from a woman’s viewpoint. If a son is speaking at his father’s wedding he will probably see the groom as someone who has reared and inspired him during his youth. So whatever the difference it has to be reflected in the speeches. So play your part and ensure that the speech you give expresses the real you, whatever your role…

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A best man is usually a brother or a good friend of the groom. His speech and toast at the wedding should reflect his close relationship. It is permissible, indeed desirable, for the speech to include jokes and anecdotes but they must be in good taste. It is never, never suitable to embarrass anyone present by saying anything blue or tasteless. The best man usually doubles as Master of Ceremonies on the wedding day so his comments must be polished and polite and light-hearted. He should be complimentary to the hosts, the guests, the couple and to the bridesmaids. After all it is his duty to respond to the groom’s toast to them. His speech needn’t be long but if he is toasting the couple at the end then it would be preferable if he ended his speech with an unusual toast rather than use the usual “Let us raise our glasses in a toast to the bride and groom�. He might write his own toast or search for an unusual one. The Irish are renowned for their writing and their toasts so the best man might find one of theirs suitable for his needs. Above all he should see that the wedding day goes off smoothly for the happy couple. Saying the right things at the right time, including his speech, is one of the best ways to ensure that.

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Weddings are as different as the people who marry. The same applies to wedding speeches and toasts. Nonetheless there are some sentiments that are common to all. The father of the bride will usually be proud of his daughter and wish her happiness.

The mother of the bride naturally feels the same. Their speeches will show their connection with and rearing of the bride. If a father is not speaking the task is the uncle of the bride or some other relative. Such a speech will be loving but will not have the intimate touches of a father or mother’s speech. Most of these speeches end with a traditional toast but it, of course, nicer if you can have a different one or end with say, an Irish toast. The toast is, after all the last thing said to the couple so it is appropriate that it should be meaningful and memorable and reflect your wishes for them..

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It sometimes appears as though all weddings are the same and so all the speeches should be similar. Certainly there is a format for such occasions but, having said that, every wedding is different in some respects. It may be that the best man is a woman friend of the groom. It may be that the bride’s father is dead and her uncle is giving her away instead. So our range of off the shelf weddings speeches kept expanding to meet the various demands and, of course, there was a growing demand for customised wedding speeches. There was the father, for instance, whose son was marrying in India where the wedding traditions were totally different to those in his native Canada. The wedding ceremonies were to last a week and the bride was to travel by elephant. Obviously a standard ready to go speech would not have met his requirements and so we had to read up about the ceremonies and write accordingly. The love and the pride of the parents though are the same worldwide and our speech had to reflect this. It did show us though that there was a market for ready to go speeches which reflected all the cultural riches which each one of the couple brings to such a mixed race marriage. As long as couples fall in love and marry there will be a need for speeches which reflect their feelings on their big day.

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We had in the meantime started attending wedding fairs and the feedback was astonishing. We found people either wanted something completely personal or they simply wanted to say the right thing. That is common to all speeches because no matter what the occasion happens to be there are always some things that need to be said. The father of the bride, for instance, will always welcome the guests. The best man should always say how wonderfully suitable the bride is for his brother or his friend. So as our range of speeches grew we offered a personalised service and an off-the-shelf one. The off-the-shelf service gave three or five different speeches that could be mixed and matched, thus giving the speaker options on how to welcome guests or praise the bride.

You can never tell though how people will take what you say. We used Mary and John as example names in all our speeches. One client complained that the ready-to-go speech she bought off the shelf wasn’t about her sister Frances. Another couple were enchanted that, as they thought, we had written especially about them. How, they asked us, did we know their names were Mary and John?

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I am sometimes asked by best men for a speech that is randy or blue in tone. I invariably answer that a wedding is a family occasion and that a speech should not offend anyone or make them uncomfortable. Besides you can make people laugh without being rude or lewd. In fact if you have to be blue then you are already a failure as a public speaker.

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Save us all from those best men and father’s of the bride who see their speech as the one chance they will have in their lifetime to perform under the spotlight for hours.

You might have noticed something about life stories or biographies. They tend to be the biggest fattest most long winded books on the shelves. The outward signs are the reams of paper that the father of the bride is editing and flicking through. They might be the best man secreting a box of tricks, props and puppets under the wedding table in preparation. These people are missing a calling in their lives. They need taking out and trampling on. Now is the time to head for the bar.

The best wedding speeches are short, to the point, gentle, humorous, (You’ll already know if you are a born joke teller, and now is not the time to experiment), genuine, sincere and end with an affectionate toast to the couple. Anything else is a bore that will leave guest squirming in their seats straining their necks towards the exit.

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