Most of us love our parents but how many of us express that love? Yet your father’s birthday, your step-mother’s birthday or your mother’s retirement are ideal days on which to say a few loving words. In fact any family occasion such as a family re-union gives you an opportunity to express your feelings for them. Weddings, of course, being the sentimental occasions they are, are the ideal time to thank them for all they have done for you. So whether you are the groom or the bride make it their big day too by expressing how much they mean to you. This also applies of course if you are the best man who is son of the groom or indeed the son of the bride. Finally, if you have not told them you love them before they die a thoughtful eulogy for mother or appreciative eulogy for father will be a fitting tribute to well loved parents.

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A wedding speech should express the same sentiments whether it’s a formal function being held in the Ritz or a family affair in the bride or the groom’s home. At a more formal function the father of the bride, the father of the groom and the best man usually speak. At a more informal wedding, however, a brother of the bride or her bridesmaid may speak or even a friend of the family. The speeches should emphasise the good wishes of those present for the happy couple and express the belief that they are ideally suited to one another. The speaker should mention an incident about the bride or groom which would personalise the speech. Above all the speech should be light-hearted and sincere. A wedding, whatever its size, is a happy occasion and the wedding speech or toast should emphasise that.

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Weddings are usually traditional affairs and so are the speeches. Nonetheless, sometimes there is a need for a different kind of speech because someone is playing a different role. The best man, for instance, instead of being a brother or friend might be the father of the groom or even the son of the groom. Alternatively, the role of best man might become best buddy because the groom has chosen to be supported on his big day by a woman. Obviously then while the traditional best wishes will be expressed the speeches will also reflect the relationship between the best man/buddy and the groom.

If the father is speaking he will speak from his experience of life and his knowledge of his son’s growing years. If a woman is speaking she will speak of her happy friendship with the groom but from a woman’s viewpoint. If a son is speaking at his father’s wedding he will probably see the groom as someone who has reared and inspired him during his youth. So whatever the difference it has to be reflected in the speeches. So play your part and ensure that the speech you give expresses the real you, whatever your role…

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A best man is usually a brother or a good friend of the groom. His speech and toast at the wedding should reflect his close relationship. It is permissible, indeed desirable, for the speech to include jokes and anecdotes but they must be in good taste. It is never, never suitable to embarrass anyone present by saying anything blue or tasteless. The best man usually doubles as Master of Ceremonies on the wedding day so his comments must be polished and polite and light-hearted. He should be complimentary to the hosts, the guests, the couple and to the bridesmaids. After all it is his duty to respond to the groom’s toast to them. His speech needn’t be long but if he is toasting the couple at the end then it would be preferable if he ended his speech with an unusual toast rather than use the usual “Let us raise our glasses in a toast to the bride and groom”. He might write his own toast or search for an unusual one. The Irish are renowned for their writing and their toasts so the best man might find one of theirs suitable for his needs. Above all he should see that the wedding day goes off smoothly for the happy couple. Saying the right things at the right time, including his speech, is one of the best ways to ensure that.

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It sometimes appears as though all weddings are the same and so all the speeches should be similar. Certainly there is a format for such occasions but, having said that, every wedding is different in some respects. It may be that the best man is a woman friend of the groom. It may be that the bride’s father is dead and her uncle is giving her away instead. So our range of off the shelf weddings speeches kept expanding to meet the various demands and, of course, there was a growing demand for customised wedding speeches. There was the father, for instance, whose son was marrying in India where the wedding traditions were totally different to those in his native Canada. The wedding ceremonies were to last a week and the bride was to travel by elephant. Obviously a standard ready to go speech would not have met his requirements and so we had to read up about the ceremonies and write accordingly. The love and the pride of the parents though are the same worldwide and our speech had to reflect this. It did show us though that there was a market for ready to go speeches which reflected all the cultural riches which each one of the couple brings to such a mixed race marriage. As long as couples fall in love and marry there will be a need for speeches which reflect their feelings on their big day.

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We had in the meantime started attending wedding fairs and the feedback was astonishing. We found people either wanted something completely personal or they simply wanted to say the right thing. That is common to all speeches because no matter what the occasion happens to be there are always some things that need to be said. The father of the bride, for instance, will always welcome the guests. The best man should always say how wonderfully suitable the bride is for his brother or his friend. So as our range of speeches grew we offered a personalised service and an off-the-shelf one. The off-the-shelf service gave three or five different speeches that could be mixed and matched, thus giving the speaker options on how to welcome guests or praise the bride.

You can never tell though how people will take what you say. We used Mary and John as example names in all our speeches. One client complained that the ready-to-go speech she bought off the shelf wasn’t about her sister Frances. Another couple were enchanted that, as they thought, we had written especially about them. How, they asked us, did we know their names were Mary and John?

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I am sometimes asked by best men for a speech that is randy or blue in tone. I invariably answer that a wedding is a family occasion and that a speech should not offend anyone or make them uncomfortable. Besides you can make people laugh without being rude or lewd. In fact if you have to be blue then you are already a failure as a public speaker.

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My neighbour John has been invited to be best man at a wedding. “What will I say?” he asked worriedly. “The groom is my best friend but I don’t know what to say. His mother and father are ok I know them years, but I’ve never even met the bride’s parents and her uncle is coming home from Australia. Should I mention him? The speech is supposed to be funny but I’d better not mention our escapades over the years. After all my own wife will be there and she certainly wouldn’t appreciate hearing about our holidays in the sun”. John’s worries are typical of many best men. They want to make a good impression but they don’t know what to say. The answer is not to try to be funny because John is not a comedian and doesn’t have the training or the timing. Instead his speech should be light-hearted speaking only of the good times they had together or mentioning incidents like when they lost their luggage or got on the train going to Paris instead of to Cannes. . too. He should do his research and find out something about the bride and her parents so that all the important guests are included. He should, check whether the bride wants her uncle’s long journey mentioned. A good speech is about preparation.

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Save us all from those best men and father’s of the bride who see their speech as the one chance they will have in their lifetime to perform under the spotlight for hours.

You might have noticed something about life stories or biographies. They tend to be the biggest fattest most long winded books on the shelves. The outward signs are the reams of paper that the father of the bride is editing and flicking through. They might be the best man secreting a box of tricks, props and puppets under the wedding table in preparation. These people are missing a calling in their lives. They need taking out and trampling on. Now is the time to head for the bar.

The best wedding speeches are short, to the point, gentle, humorous, (You’ll already know if you are a born joke teller, and now is not the time to experiment), genuine, sincere and end with an affectionate toast to the couple. Anything else is a bore that will leave guest squirming in their seats straining their necks towards the exit.

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I was at a wedding in Drimoleague in the West of Ireland, when the groom stood up to make his wedding speech. He announced that he couldn’t do speeches, but he knew a good joke about a pig.

Personally I don’t care if it was the best pig joke in the world (it wasn’t), but there is a time and a place for jokes in speeches. I might respectfully suggest to all you potential grooms and best men out there, that telling a joke about a pig or anything at all really has no place whatsoever in your wedding speech.

If you really are stuck for inspiration you might start with the beautiful woman you are marrying. If you are still stuck I respectfully suggest you might want to reconsider your position.

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