Weddings may be traditional but times have changed. Many couples today live together long before they are married. This creates a problem for guests choosing gifts for people who probably already have all they need. It also creates a problem for the father of the bride of the co-habiting couple because his speech has to be slightly different. He might, for instance, have to refer to the existence of a grandchild. Obviously such grandchildren have always existed but historically would not have been mentioned publicly. His speech should, naturally, be as loving as any father of the bride’s speech. Nonetheless the fact that the couple is co-habiting may give him the opportunity to tease them a little about getting the proverbial cart before the horse. Whether or not the couple are co-habiting he should still welcome his new son-in-law, although depending on their relationship, he may want to say that his is a belated welcome. He should not, of course, embarrass the couple unless he is well aware that they will enjoy such comments. Naturally his welcome to guests and to the groom’s parents will be a warm one. Finally, however long the couple may be living together, he will give a toast to long life and happiness to the bride and groom.

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Weddings don’t usually happen overnight. It usually takes months for a bride to select her wedding gown. The wedding cake takes months to mature. The flowers take a season to grow. Why then do speakers leave writing their speeches to the last minute? Whether you are the best man, father of the bride, father of the groom or even the groom himself you should give yourself plenty of time to write that all important speech. After all a best man, for instance, will need plenty of ammunition if he is to fire a salvo at the groom. The fathers of both the bride and groom will usually need to consult those oracles, their wives, for details of their daughter or son as children so that they can give speeches with the “Aah” factor The groom himself is usually so nervous that he cannot think straight at all and will need all the time and help he can get. A good speech is all about preparation and doing your research is part of that. Researching the family trees of the couple takes time. So if you have a wedding speech to write start early. Make it as professional as possible but of course you must sound as though you are speaking straight from the heart.

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Wedding speeches can sometimes make or break the day. A good speech will be the cause of animated conversation and loving words will be remembered over the years. A bad speech will cause negative vibrations and even hurt feelings. Quite simply a bad speech can ruin the day. This is true of any wedding. A Christmas wedding, however, calls for even more thought. The speechwriter must bring the spirit of Christmas into his speech. It should reflect the warmth and joy of the season. A couple who choose a Christmas wedding do so for a special reason. A good speaker will discover what that reason happens to be and mention it in his speech. Often it is because it is the couple’s favourite time of the year. The speaker might then compare marriage with the season of loving and giving. That is not to say that a Christmas wedding speech should not be traditional. After all the best man should always mention, usually humorously, his connection with the groom. The father of the bride will end his speech with a toast to the happy couple. Perhaps, though, the speechwriter will include a reference to Santa or the Christmas tree or, appropriately of course, the mistletoe. It is always an added plus to have a topical mention in a speech. So if you are speaking at a Christmas wedding remember that the couple should have that wonderfully feeling children have when the see their bulging stockings on Christmas morning. Your speech should reflect that feeling of anticipation, that belief that dreams will come true.

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The royal wedding will be slightly different in some ways. For one thing it will cost a lot more than most weddings. The television cameras of the world will be there too to capture every moment. But what will be said in private? Father of the groom Prince Charles will probably say a few words at the reception. He’s quite used to speaking in public but this being a sentimental occasion will he get a frog in his throat as he remembers the mother of the groom? The father of the bride will surely find the occasion a bit more nerve wracking. After all he will not be used to addressing the crowned heads of Europe. Nonetheless like most fathers he will probably want to say how much he loves his daughter and how proud he is of her. Like all weddings too it will be expected that the best man will make a memorable and witty speech and if Prince Harry is best man he will have plenty of ammunition to fire a few salvos at his brother. There is no doubt but that speakers at this wedding will have any help they need to prepare their speeches. After all this wedding will be history in the making. However it is expressed though the sentiments will be those of any other wedding. You see whether for royalty or commoner wedding speeches are about family, commitment and love.

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Most of us are well used to being told to “Shop early for Christmas.” In fact well organised people usually prepare well in advance of the holiday. They do their shopping, wrap their parcels and stock the freezer with delicious goodies, often as early as November. How many of them, though, write their speeches? Christmas is, by its nature, a time for gatherings and parties and speeches are, traditionally, very much a part of these sociable get togethers. The Boss, for instance, will have to say a few seasonal and motivational words at the office party. There, are, however, other people who may find that they too are expected to give a speech. Take, for instance, the father of the bride or the best man at a Christmas wedding. It is hard enough to find the right words for a wedding but a Christmas wedding is even more special and certainly requires a few pertinent remarks about the season. You may be a teacher who wishes to toast Christmas at a staff luncheon. Alternatively, you could be an officer at a club or association who is expected to comment briefly on the activities during the year and end your speech by wishing the members the compliments of the season. Many retirement associations have a meal at this time of the year and again the Chairman or the manager may want to thank those present for their contribution over the years and to give a toast to the company. Of course there are those who don’t celebrate Christmas. The C.E.O. may instead give a rousing speech to his or her staff and end with a toast to Happy Holidays instead. Even if you are a guest at an office party you may be expected to say a few words of appreciation for the hospitality shown to you. So don’t leave it till the last minute. Get your speech ready for Christmas before the rush starts.

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Being on a stage preparing to give a speech is a bit like being the goalie facing a penalty shot. It’s a lonely place. You have no support; you are on your own. It’s no wonder that people dread the thought of giving a speech. You don’t have to feel so bad though. Unlike that goalie who has to save whatever shot is kicked at him you are in control of your own speech. If you prepare it well and practice it you will feel more confident. Obviously that goalkeeper is well used to his net. A public speaker should be equally well used to wherever he is about to speak. So it pays to visit the spot before you have to give the speech. It pays too to have a practise run making sure, for instance, that the microphone is working. He or she would be wise to ensure that the sound carries to the end of the room or the hall in question. Wearing the right clothes will also boost confidence. If you are addressing a formal gathering, for instance, men should wear a dress suit while a woman should wear something glamorous as befits the occasion. Have your notes on cards that you can hold comfortably in one hand and remember to take some deep breathes before you start speaking. Whether you are the father of the bride or giving a eulogy for a mother you have the advantage over that goalie. He cannot guarantee that he can stop the ball going into the net. With practise and a good speech you can be sure of being calm, cool and collected and there is no doubt but that you’ll have that audience enthralled.

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Just imagine how many speeches are being written all over the world every day. Executives are writing staff motivational speeches or thank you client appreciation speeches. In every country there is a father of the bride struggling to write those loving words he wants to say at the wedding. Teachers are trying to produce words of wisdom for those graduation speeches. Fundraisers are writing words that they hope will encourage people to support a good cause. Members of Toastmasters are trying to find words that will make their fellow members sit up and take notice. Rhetoric students are trying to write outlines of their speeches while bereaved families are trying to find words to commemorate the life of a loved one. Then there are the Birthday and Bar mitzvah speeches as well as ones for communions and confirmations. When you think about it a lot of effort goes into writing all those different speeches. If you touch a heart or make a memory then that effort will not have been in vain.

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Save us all from those best men and father’s of the bride who see their speech as the one chance they will have in their lifetime to perform under the spotlight for hours.
You might have noticed something about life stories or biographies. They tend to be the biggest fattest most long winded books on the shelves. The outward signs are the reams of paper that the father of the bride is editing and flicking through. They might be the best man secreting a box of tricks, props and puppets under the wedding table in preparation. These people are missing a calling in their lives. They need taking out and trampling on. Now is the time to head for the bar.
The best wedding speeches are short, to the point, gentle, humorous, (You’ll already know if you are a born joke teller, and now is not the time to experiment), genuine, sincere and end with an affectionate toast to the couple. Anything else is a bore that will leave guest squirming in their seats straining their necks towards the exit.

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Most of us don’t write books or plays or even poetry. Yet lots of us are asked to speak at a wedding and that means, whatever our ability, that we must write a speech. It is important, therefore, to know what to say and how to say it. After all nobody will read a book at the wedding. It’s unlikely that anyone will stage a play. Someone may, admittedly, quote some poetry but it is usually a well known piece and not particularly relevant to the couple. At most weddings the speeches are the entertainment of the day and that is the challenge for the person who has been asked to speak.
Probably the most important thing to do is to do your homework. If you are the father of the bride you may feel you know your daughter well enough to speak about her. Jot down your thoughts and then consult your wife or other family members. You may find that you didn’t know your daughter as well as you thought. You did. If you are the best man exactly how much do you know about the bride and her parents? You will, naturally, wish to refer to them in your speech. If you are the groom you may speak glowingly about your lovely new wife but how much do you know about the bridesmaids?  You would, of course, want your toast to them to be memorable wouldn’t you?
Your speech doesn’t have to be long but it does have to be sincere and if it is professionally written it will definitely add to the day. So you should practise what you have to say until you know it by heart because, after all, on such an important day you should be speaking from the heart!

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In some countries both parents escort their daughter up the aisle to her wedding. After all they have both reared her. It should be equally acceptable then for the mother of the bride to give a wedding speech. The father of the bride is, of course, the one who usually toasts the happy couple but whether or not the father is speaking there is no reason why the bride’s mother should not speak too.
Sometimes, of course, she may be the widowed mother of the bride. If so when she is speaking she will usually be saying what her husband would have said on the occasion. Mother of the bride speeches should express what the daughter in question means to her mother. They should tell a little about her growing years and her lifestyle. They obviously include a welcome to the new groom and his family into the bride’s clan and include a suitable welcome to the guests. Depending or not on whether there is anyone else doing so they should end with a toast to the couple. If, however, the bride’s father or a relative is giving the toast she might end her speech with a blessing instead.
Weddings are emotional occasions and probably more so for the mother of the bride than anyone else. She won’t want to break down when giving her speech so it is better to make it short and somewhat light-hearted in tone. If she is a widow she may want to mention the bride’s father and how he would have been so proud of his beautiful daughter. This sentence should be short and sincere. One thing is certain, women being what they are, will have more background information on their daughters for the speech than any mere male.

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